Goodbye, 2015

This is another long and rambling post…

Due to a few different factors, I have been battling a pretty severe case of depression since the end of November.  This is the worst it has been in quite a few years and I have been a bit worried.  Not only can I hardly keep it together to get through the entire day without needing to walk out of the room and count to ten before I start crying, I also am having a hard time completing my workouts without wanting to sit down on the curb and just sob.  I always manage to keep going, but just barely.

Last night, I was scheduled to run the Fairfax Four Miler for the third year in a row.  I was seriously not looking forward to it.  Right up until we started, I was extremely tempted to just walk back to my car and go home.

Even Batman and a glowing tutu weren’t doing it for me

I was surrounded by a huge group from my running group but I think I said about ten words before the start.  I was so miserable.

After a brief wait, we were off!  Since I knew the course, I knew it had the potential to be fast but that there were some hills.  Mile 1 was 8:43 and mile 2 came in at 8:11!  I couldn’t believe it!  The hills at mile 3 were tough but I still finished with an overall (unofficial) time of 8:56 average!  That was a huge course PR for me!  Even going by the official times, it was still a 1:08 PR.

I am pretty darn proud of this race.  Not only did I do it completely alone – I didn’t even have music – but I feel like I raced my depression and won! At least for now.

I don’t know what 2016 will bring but I am already making a concerted effort to start things on the right foot.  I intend to foster existing friendships and forge new ones, on and off the road.  I want to give as much as I receive and find a real place in my community.

To that end, I started the year off with 3 recovery miles with a friend who is coming back from a very difficult year.  Nothing like some good conversation and Starbucks to set you off to a good start!  I think I’m ready for 2016 now.12366083_10153922355969379_5919816650605742540_o.jpg

By the way, the tutu was a huge hit (which is funny because the last time I wore it, I just got weird looks) – this is the one I have


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