Marking My Territory

when I was very young, I was married for far too long to an abusive asshole. About a year before I found the courage to leave him, I began piercing myself (by a professional!). At one time, I had 9 piercings.  It was my way of reclaiming myself , of reminding myself that I was more than he tried to allow. After I met the man I would eventually marry, I slowly let the piercing go since I no longer needed that reminder. 

Fast-forward a few years and I find that I am still in an abusive relationship. This one, though, is worse than the first because the abuser is ME and I can’t very well divorce myself. Honestly, the verbal abuse I heap on myself can be stunning and if anyone calls me on it, I just say that I’m saying what I know others are thinking. 

I’m fat

I’m slow

I have cottage cheese thighs

I have man-calves

I have flabby arms

And so on and so forth. So “not good”. 

This shit has to stop so I decided to put a permanent reminder of my strength on one of my least favorite areas, my big ol’ thigh. 

 

A star for each marathon
 
+++++

Yesterday, I hit the gym in the morning for some speed work. One of my running friends, who is known for sneaking pictures, got this one of me during my warm up. I knew she was back there and I knew I would hate how it looked.  Queue mental barrage. 

 

Meh
 
Then I looked down and saw my tattoo sticking out of my shorts and thought “screw this, let’s get it done!”  So I did. 

I still have a long way to go but I am closer than I was!

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5 thoughts on “Marking My Territory

  1. I saw that pic from the gym and thought, “Wow. She’s a rock star.” We — myself definitely included — are our worst critics. Kudos for being courageous on many fronts!

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