Body Issues

I, like just about every woman I know, have major body issues.  I can’t remember ever actually liking how I looked.  In fourth grade, we were to wear shorts to school for spirit week and I was in near hysterics before leaving for school at the thought of everyone seeing my fat legs.  Last year, when planning my first obstacle race, the rest of the team was talking tank tops and I went for the full t-shirt so no one would see my fat arms. I feel that no matter how much I work and change my body, I will always see myself as fat.  Accurate or not, that is my self-perception.

In November, one of my crazier  more adventurous friends and I were talking and the Cupid’s Undie Run came up.  It is an annual Valentine’s Day weekend race run through a major metropolitan city in your underwear to raise money for the Children’s Tumor Foundation.  Of course we decided to do it and were talking about wearing trench coats and calling ourselves the Flashers.

Then I saw Amanda Trusty’s Roar video (burlesque dancer – NSFW).
And I decided to ditch the coat.

My outfit – I went with fishnet stockings and the underwear are reversed so you can read the butt 🙂

So, despite the Snowpocalypse 2: The Reckoning that was happening on the east coast and the chance of freezing rain and the horrific period I was having (TMI, sorry), I stripped down and joined over a thousand other undie runners.

ImageNow, granted, some “liquid courage” was involved but, as I was talking to people and just hanging out before the race run, I was struck by how normal everyone was and how many were clearly just as stressed about stripping down as I was – even some of the hotties people with a more socially acceptable body type.  In the end, I decided that it didn’t really matter.  This is me. This is what I look like right now.  Am I satisfied with that?  No, not at all.  I know I can improve.  Am I going to continue to beat my self up over it?  I certainly hope not.

I’m actually throwing snow in the air but maybe I’m letting go of some mental garbage, too

 This is me at this moment in time but it’s not all that I am nor all that I will become.


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