Too Much

For most of my life, I felt I was “too much” of everything and I was often labeled accordingly.  My voice was too low and loud (foghorn), my feet were too big (I wore boats), and I was definitely too big (moose).  I never fit properly with anyone around me.  Summer was the worst.  I so desperately wanted to be skinny and wear a cute bathing suit and swim effortlessly through the pool.  Instead I dreaded putting on a suit that showed every single flaw and blindly groping my way around the pool’s edge.

Cat on the treadmill
Tony just realized how close summer really is!

I just bought an “athletic” swim suit for my triathlon training.  It arrived on Friday and I tried it on with some trepidation.  Those compression suits are No Joke.  You have to heave and pull to get it on and I was afraid to look in the mirror.  I turned around and saw… that for once, I was not “too much” of anything.  My thighs were not too dimpled, my arms were not too flabby.  I looked strong.  I looked like I should be diving into the pool and swimming laps RIGHT THIS MOMENT.  I looked like an athlete. I looked like I belonged.

I posted on Facebook that I was shocked by how good I looked.  I know that probably came across as conceited.  I mean, I still have a lot of work to do.  I am still big, after all.  But I have a new adjective now that replaces all of the others.  Now I am strong!


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