For most of my life, I felt I was “too much” of everything and I was often labeled accordingly. My voice was too low and loud (foghorn), my feet were too big (I wore boats), and I was definitely too big (moose). I never fit properly with anyone around me. Summer was the worst. I so desperately wanted to be skinny and wear a cute bathing suit and swim effortlessly through the pool. Instead I dreaded putting on a suit that showed every single flaw and blindly groping my way around the pool’s edge.
I just bought an “athletic” swim suit for my triathlon training. It arrived on Friday and I tried it on with some trepidation. Those compression suits are No Joke. You have to heave and pull to get it on and I was afraid to look in the mirror. I turned around and saw… that for once, I was not “too much” of anything. My thighs were not too dimpled, my arms were not too flabby. I looked strong. I looked like I should be diving into the pool and swimming laps RIGHT THIS MOMENT. I looked like an athlete. I looked like I belonged.
I posted on Facebook that I was shocked by how good I looked. I know that probably came across as conceited. I mean, I still have a lot of work to do. I am still big, after all. But I have a new adjective now that replaces all of the others. Now I am strong!